Evil Space Pirate Jeff - Log 17.34.01 - By Jerm

I met with Thork this morning at 13.187.99.01.76 [standard], the Werndar had no idea we're gonna double cross him. Man, if I could have seen his face if he saw us sniffing those Riff crystals.

Damn those things are crazy. It all started with a simple picking motion to the larger of the eight rocks we were haulin. The smaller pieces fell off and me and my crew just went to town. It didn't take long before the effects kicked in.

I mean come on, I was seeing midget Mogs being raped by Sodotron Droids, and they were liking it. All Bob was doing was screaming something about eating metal darts, Jim was drooling on the deck, and Bill just had this weird ass smile on his face like he was scoring right there.

It was pretty scary stuff, but not as scary as what happened next.

I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't really care, and something about those Sodotron Droids were telling me to not just sniff those damn crystals, but to start eating em. Don't ask why I did it, don't ask why I gave in, cuz I just don't know.

At first it didn't seem to have much higher effects, I was only seeing more and more midget Mogs building up... so I wasn't all that worried. That's when it happened. It was the biggest damn flash of light I had ever seen, and it got brighter and brighter until suddenly it all went black and I couldn't see a damn thing.

Then the voices started, and Jim showerd up, just dancing his merry ass off. I asked him what the hell he was thinking, but the only thing he could say was "Yipee." and other crazy talk like that.

But he got angry after that, and drew his blaster, firing wildly across the darkness at me. I shot back, but Jim just kept reappearing and dying, then doing it all over again.

He chased me like a mad man, yelling something about the Sodotron Droids being right all along. It scared me, to say the least. But as I ran, the ship came more and more in focus, and strange mushrooms were growing out of each and every control panel.

I had made my way to the airlock, ready to push the button and let Jim fly, but the sheer power of blasting the traitorous bastard kept my finger firmly on the trigger.

Over and over I killed him, and over and over I reloaded my power cardtridges, until finally it stopped, and Jim lay in a pool of blood on the floor...

I woke up about an hour later in a puddle of drool near the airlock with my blaster in hand. Jim, Bob, and Bill all lay in their own puddles, in various places around the ship all breathing.

But the thing that frightened me most was the twenty or so armed soldiers bearing Thork Crime Syndicate's logo on their sleeves.

And as I looked out of the viewport I saw Thork's now abandoned seige ship, hovering next to our own.