Evil Space Pirate Jeff - Log 02.09.01 - By Jerm

So there I was, standing toe to toe, blaster to blaster with Krie, the infamous Bounty Hunter. I knew I was screwed, no one in the known Galaxy could outwit, outgun, or outmaneuver the guy. He was so quick on the trigger people had been known to say he never used his finger, but instead fired using mind control or some shit.

I didn't even know he had been on my trail for this long, he said something about hunting me for a couple months before we both drew our blasters. I was kinda impressed to be out of this guys sightscope for that amount of time. It didn't matter though, we were both deadlocked.

I should have listened to Bill when I suggested landing on this forsaken planet to grab a bite to eat. He told me we were easily recognized in this sector, that we had at least twenty warrants for our arrest... hell I even think we had a Death Mark too.

Fourteen [standard] billion different escape plans entered my mind in a fury of milliseconds. But over and over, the odds kept coming out the same. It seemed I had about a four percent chance of the heavily-modified blaster Krie was using to malfunction. It was a long shot, but about my only hope.

The rest of the crew were already back at the ship, awaiting my arrival. They really weren't the group of scoundrels you'd expect to get worried about me being five or so minutes late and the fact bothered me. Besides, the possibility of them showing up to my rescue were even smaller than my chance of outgunning Krie.

"You know you're going to die correct?" He had said with a smirk on his face.

"Yeah well, looks to me like we're deadlocked Krie."

He just smiled and chuckled a bit, as if knowing how the fight would end. He was just torturing me. I considered another fourteen billion insults to hurl his way, but none suited the situation. Instead I just smiled back.

"You got about nine different price-tags on your head Jeff, and I'm about to collect them all."

"Not if I have anything to say about it."

Right about then another possibility entered my head. It was an even longer shot than hoping his blaster would malfunction. I asked him for a draw.

He shut his eyes for a split second as laughter echoed throughout his innards, and it gave me the millisecond I needed to knee the bastard straight in the balls. His eyes opened after that, that's for sure. He cried out in a sort of "You're going to die Jeff" yelp and it scared me worse than an Elite Boltonian Guardian.

So I turned and ran my ass off. I came to a turn, whipped right, and felt the worst pain in my right arm since I had wanked it for three straight hours a couple days before. He had hit me with a bolt of energy straight from the barrel of that modified blaster he held. Damn four percent never works in my favor.

It didn't phase me though, as much as I thought it would. The only thing on my mind was getting back to the docking bay and getting the hell off of the planet. With Krie right behind me, I had to weave between buildings, boxes, barrels, and a couple old people to avoid his shots.

To slow him down I tripped a few civilians on the way to the ship, trying to at least put something in his way. But if there's one person in the Galaxy who'll stop at nothing to get revenge it was Krie, and his storms of blaster bolts weren't a walk in the park to avoid.

After jumping over a few Werndar transports, I made way to the docking bay, yelled at the ship for Jim to open the walkway. I didn't want the ship to get hurt, but nearly every shot Krie threw at me seemed to nail it. I could smell the smoke.

I jumped inside, screamed to take off, and ran to the other piloting seat next to Jim.

I flipped a few switches, and we were up and away, watching as Krie ran to his own ship. With us exiting the atmosphere, we knew he'd be behind us in no time, and with a quick check of the radar our fears were confirmed, his guns charged and locked.